Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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