Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
