That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize