He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
