Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize