i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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