theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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