You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
