I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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