That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
