i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
