Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
