last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
