Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
