Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
