My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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