Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
