Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize