Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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