dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
