My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
