he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
