I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I didn't notice because vodka
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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