Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
