thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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