it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
