i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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