google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
