This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
