All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
