Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
