im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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