I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
