the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
