I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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