I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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