I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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