The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
