Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sex in a hospital.. check
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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