we have pet lesbian snakes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
