The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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