You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
