singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
