I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
