So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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