when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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