My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
