I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
