I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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