i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
