So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
