i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
