He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
