so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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