She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
