The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
