You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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