No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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