Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
