all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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