You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
