Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
