physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
