My cat gives me a boner
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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