just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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