I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
