we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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