my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
